Falling up....

Directions for falling up are as follows:

Provision 1

Plan for a two-day period of time preceding the act to be event-free, ensuring that the subject’s brain is susceptible to open thought (and as little reason as possible) on a subconscious level through the simplest means possible by providing the viewing of copious amounts of satellite television consisting of a mix of reality shows, action thriller movies, cartoons and documentaries, (so as to induce a ‘nap’ state of mind for at least two hours during the aforementioned two-day period).

Provision 2

Ensure the subject is in a horizontal position at an optimal viewing angle to the source of entertainment throughout the execution of provision 1 by providing ample padding, pillows, and, if at all possible, ‘woobies’.

Provision 3

The subject should be urged to stay in bed clothes throughout unless said subject sleeps sans-clothing, in which case, urge for a loose fitting clothing option. Bathing is optional as the only other subject, (spousal relation), within reach should also be in the same state.

Provision 4

Provide subject with only enough sustenance to keep the brain engaged throughout the process. Examples of said sustenance may include such items as; Chips, chocolate, extruded and scientifically packaged square orange cheese, and some form of hydration which may include, (but may not exceed), one cup of coffee.

Provision 5

Be sure to keep the subject awake until such a time as the subject’s eyes begin to redden, water and sag. Only allow 6 to 7 hours of sleep and repeat all provisions on the second day, stopping intermittently only to allow the spousal relation to bake apple muffins and to consume up to but not more than two muffins each.

Provision 6

Allow one subject to go to bed at the acceptable and pre-determined time and allow the other to stay up past his bed time by two and one half hours.

Provision 7

Before the sleep-deprived and addle-brained subject is allowed caffeine on the morning following the experiment, allow said subject to perform a manually dexterous task involving a guitar case, limited vision and stairs

Result:

Falling up the stairs.

……no, really, I’m fine…..Where’s my coffee….?